Don’t Put Your Purse on the Floor
People have been asking what the inspiration was for my new book about accessories (called ‘The Accessory Handbook’, available today everywhere books are sold), and the truth is this: One moment in a restaurant with no place to put my fancy purse made me realize that the world was seriously lacking a definitive guide to wearing and caring for all those fashion accessories you own but aren’t sure what to do with—scarves, hats, belts, shoes, rings, necklaces, glasses,socks, and yes, purses!
The restaurant I was in when the lightbulb went off had those dreadful chairs with rounded backs that you can’t hook a purse strap over. There wasn’t an extra seat at our table I could steal to stash it on, so I briefly considered just plopping it on the filthy dirty floor before coming to my senses. (Those of you whose default move is to stash your purse on the floor had better not do one iota of research about how many germs are on the bottom of the average handbag — then multiply that by the square root of dirty restaurants, because you’ll die at how disgusting your beloved handbag can get.)
I glanced around and discovered that every single purse-carrying human in the restaurant had employed a different method to stash their bags: I sat with mine perched annoyingly on my lap (which ruined the dining experience for me), another person was lucky enough to have a spare chair at the table to rest theirs on, and yet another decided to just say “forget it” and plunked their bag right on the table.
The third person held their bag tightly between their legs, resting it on the tops of their feet — while the fourth person kept their bag on their shoulder the entire time they ate. The fifth person just tossed their nylon bag directly on the floor‚ likely because they knew it was machine washable, so they could deal with it later.
The whole ordeal made me scratch my head and wonder why, after dining out as a species for centuries, have we still not come up with the definitive solution to this dreadful problem? Old-fashioned etiquette books say you should stash your bag behind you at the back of your chair, but that advice is from when people carried tiny clutches, and it doesn’t work too well if the chair is open-backed — it’s crazy uncomfortable to be perched on the edge of your chair for an entire dinner with a purse digging into your back.
Very fancy establishments (like the lobby tea at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills) bring a little pouf to the table for you to set your bag on, and the better ramen joints in Japan all have clever little wire baskets under the table, meant to stash your handbag, jacket, and umbrella while you’re eating. Certain drinking establishments have even thoughtfully provided hooks underneath the bar to hang up your purse and coat, but at most restaurants, no thought has been given to this problem, so you’re just out of luck.
I canvassed every purse-carrying person I know to brainstorm possible solutions to this pressing problem, only to determine that there isn’t really a good one — short of carrying around one of those new-fangled purse hooks that uses a pendulum and the law of gravity to balance your purse on the edge of a table. But I can’t always remember to drag one of those along with me every time I go out to eat, and carrying a bunch of extra junk around with me is not how I’m looking to live my life. If you do decide to go this route, this polished bangle bracelet one by Clipa is absolutely the best purse hanger there is. It holds even the heaviest bags securely, is easy to open and deploy (because calling attention to yourself as you fuss with your purse is not chill), and takes up almost zero room at the table. Every time I pull it out, waiters and people at the table next to me are always leaning over and asking me where the hell I got it.
I also thought about bringing along a plain canvas tote bag to set my purse down on everywhere I go, but again — here’s yet another item I have to plan ahead to bring, and I then run the risk of looking like my wacky best pal who always brings a plastic grocery sack to the movies to protect her legs from the filthy seats.
After much careful consideration, I think I’ve hit upon the best two options available: either never carry any purse you can’t wear slung across your body as you eat, or don’t be afraid to ask your waiter to bring a spare chair to the table so you can have a place to set down your bag. The latter is what I’ve started doing, and I’ve only encountered pushback once, when the waiter told me they actually didn’t have a chair to spare — but that he would gladly bring me a high chair that wasn’t being used to stash my purse in. I said yes instantly and plopped my gramma’s Chanel bag right down in it; the people I was dining with that night still mention it every time I see them.
Get your copy of ‘The Accessory Handbook’ today everywhere books are sold!
